Another day in a a Quarantine Life, Boedo, Buenos Aires 6th of September 2020

Today I started the day reading about a Danish author painting a very dystopian view of the future in a podcast. I didn’t want to hear it even though I really like his writings. It made me think... Of course everyone can express what they need to express. However, one more time I found myself discussing internally what is worth sharing. In which way do I want to communicate my feelings about the situation (or about life in general). An artistic path in my eyes is always to find the beauty in life even when it hurts, even when it fills us with fear and anger. Art can give the experience a new form, which allows people to find a way out for their soul, or simply just an opportunity to pass through feelings in a more universal way which can give us comfort in moments where we feel the most alone or even lost. This post is a bunch of words, not music, this is not where I normally express myself artistically. Nevertheless this is how it wants to come out today…

The thing about this situation is that it touches everyone, no one can escape the fact that the pandemic affects our lives. Off course it is very different how urgent the crisis is, but on a psychological level we are in it all together.

I can share ways to be creative during the lock down, how it has made me search deeper, how it has opened new doors in my inner music world and so on. But that’s just one side, and it is important for me also to tell that I'm profoundly worried, not in a specific way, just about everything, maybe mostly about how the world may never be the same. That I cannot be sure that I’ll get back to the life I had. And I don’t even know if I want to anymore. Or what I want. 

The other day I went out on the avenue where I live. That happens maybe once, twice or three times a week. There have been times where ten days passed by where I didn’t go out (not totally true, I have a terrace as you see on the picture). And weeks where I had to go for a walk everyday to get my head back on track. The other day it was so busy. I was totally shocked by the situation. I know that the quarantine is not really a quarantine anymore here in Buenos Aires. At least it’s not for many people. But for me it is. By having 12000 new cases a day, and everyday a bit more, I feel the world becoming more and more claustrophobic. It’s like when I’m out I try to get a glance of the virus. Where is it? I’m not really afraid of being infected, I kind of just feeling truly invaded and dictated by this invisible enemy. 

I realize that I haven’t missed at all the bustle of Buenos Aires. Especially not added with Covid-19. I get kind of stressed about seeing how close people are interacting, the busses filled up with people. So I wonder, what if after this quiet quarantine life I cannot stand the rhythm of the city anymore? The rhythm of the city of tango… my rhythm, my tango…?

At the same time I’m also very ambivalent on how to behave. Freedom is the word that keeps running through my system. What is freedom in this situation, how should I behave, how should the human being behave? A lot of people seem to want to make us feel guilty about not protecting others or being too afraid of the virus so we are forgetting to live. 

I think it’s important that we allow ourselves to have doubts. To be like bears that just take a big nap or as a buzzing bee that cannot find any rest in this situation.